Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
