The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
