FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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