and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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