I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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