arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
