I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
