This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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