Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She is in my trunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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