Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
