Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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