She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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