Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
