omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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