I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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