I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
