my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
