i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize