People in love make me want to vomit
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
