sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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