i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
