so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
