Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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