She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
