Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
