Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize