Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
