2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
