I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
