Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
