Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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