So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
