I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
