You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We are all done wearing pants today
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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