I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
