Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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