i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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