Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
