i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to align my fucking chakras
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