and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
