how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
