I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
