Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
