remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
