She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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