A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
