there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
nutella sex= disaster
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
