I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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