Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
