Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
