i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
