My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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