Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i will never coherently bang her
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Randomize
