The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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