I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
