You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
