the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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