Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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