i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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