Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
