come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
