i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
