weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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