Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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