We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
