If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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