Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
