I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
