Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
