And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
