He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
