That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i will never coherently bang her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
