unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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