I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
