she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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