nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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