textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
