The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
