Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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