I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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