I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
