Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think people are normalizing furries
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