I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
