his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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