So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
