Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
