You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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