I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
