i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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