I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize