I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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