mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
