im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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